**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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