I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
