Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
