i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
