I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
