I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
