The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
