i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
