your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
