Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the day after is always just damage control
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
