I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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