R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
