i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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