If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
