Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
