I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
