did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
