Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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