I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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