I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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