I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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