You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
