i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
