Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
