I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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