I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When did angry sex become our thing?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
