I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
