how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
