Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
