So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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