i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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