Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
