Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
