someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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