There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
