I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
