Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
