my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
