So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can i not drive my cunt home
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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