I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
