You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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