i don't like sucking hair
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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