Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
