We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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