we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
