My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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