Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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