im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
