hotel room ftw
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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