his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
