Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
