I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
