It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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