no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
