The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
