Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
