I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
