I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
