toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
