fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
