worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
