I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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