i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
