he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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