chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
