some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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