at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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