The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
