people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
