Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
