Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
