i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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