I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
