Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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