there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
