I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize