i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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