I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
