It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
