I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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