So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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