Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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