i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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