he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
