You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
