hotel room ftw
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize