just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
