she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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